Mental Prison

When the heart breaks, darkness becomes a home. Light jst another spectrum and morning without dawn. So i take a deep breath for a smoother roam. A thought of weed, alcohol and some pills for my potion. Escape, memory loss and maybe some hypnotism. Amnesia for my poem. I write to forget and remind myself I am alone. I only have AlTriz in this world.Hope, love lost and being hopeless becomes attraction. Make space in my head for my demons. There is no longer a room in the house of Christians. I have been cursed with barbarism. With the dark force makin me whole coz of the light taken. Now i crave chaos and pandemonium. Carelessness with a bit of freedom. Fearlessness and taste of poison. Bars to fill up my mental prison. Making sure the happy memories of us are locked in. I can never forget so i will jst keep on living. If I had a millennium i would live like a Viking. With hopes of being accepted by Odin. Jesus pouring his blood on me for some saving. While the sun becomes extremely hot through the hands of Horus. Sometimes its like divinity never blessed us and darkness is what i belong in. Sometimes it fills like spirituality is made of demons and I have only myself to believe in. So I waste away into my own prison...  Of thoughts

Said my world would shine. Said in my thoughts u would forever be mine. I had it bad and in deep I could own a mine. Consisting of nothing but pearls. To symbolize the significance of ur worth. That will just be my emotions depth. I take a quick glimpse at ur lips. I taste mine after we kiss. To check if urs remains sweet. Dear to me. I let u do what u wanna do. I let u scratch my body until we are through. I wanna taste ur spirituality too. I wanna do things to u. I wanna let u feel that feeling I bring to u. U can ride with it. We can even get super lit. Have so much good that u remain a memory to me. Roll blunts and puff on keish. I can be a dog sometimes but not when I love my leash. I remain at ease. I'm at peace with ur presence. Full hatred towards ur absence. My mind keeps me in check. While my heart struggles with the production of a new beat. I check my figures of speech, use them on u to check if I still got it. In my mind the random faces nodded. But u the only random face I label as my favorite. Simply coz a thought of u alone is worth it. I still posses feelings, just have a great way of hiding it. U should have checked my features before getting in bed with the package. At least its better than getting in bed with the devil. The most evil personnel that be tragically romantic. Love at best. I can show u saint valentine can also be a critic and not a saint. I fuck around and show u the strong love brought by an atheist. I remain the best at it. I tell u a story and swear to die if I don’t live it. My eyes stay red because of the cameras. The lighting irrelevant. So I change my lyrics to darkness just to face the music. Hoping ur light will catch me before I lose it. My alarm stays loud in my head so I snooze it. Early towards life itself but my daily minutes stay late. I had a lesson with patience. Told me I should posses it so my hours can turn to minutes. I always lacked hope and now its time I bring myself back. I hve to focus. No time to side track. My lane taken in vain as I suffer from unnecessary pain I guess my days will never be the same. But at least I got u as my penicillin. For whatever happens whenever I crack my spline.  You get to be one with my vision of pain whenever I am breathing. So I make a huge jump and break my spine just so u can come up with a solution. Whenever we in one room we think of fusing. We keep things simple to avoid confusion. I am one with my darkness so my world can stay without ur shine. I prefer losing u today rather than having to waste my time. But the moment remains ours as the messages transmitted by ur kisses are sublime. Once upon a time. My ability to love was at its prime. Now I dwell on the pieces that remain. I pick up myself and try to b as real as I can. Although honesty comes brutally within. That’s the only thing keeping me standing. The fact that I can retaliate to people without thinking. Of whether or not it will hurt them. I hide my emotion… In the pieces that remain

The Cousin Of Sleep(Falsified Confusion)

Tears in my eyes yet I don’t know what it means. They took all my emotions away from me. Sucked out by depression and the demons that claim to live in me. I bleed out to sexuality. I call out to u sexually. I take it lightly when u kiss me. I forget that being emotionally broken is only a thing for me. And me alone. That’s how I was born. Don’t u dare blame me coz of how my soul is withdrawn. I tried living peacefully in this world. They made my soul blunt so I sharpened my sword. And called it my goals so I can take a deep fall. Shortened the number of nouns that surround me,  so even my words fell short. The level of inspiration I caught. Isnt as strong as I thought. We live to lose faith but whats faith without hope. We thought of suicide before singing ,'to hell with that rope.' coz even death ain't  enough. Although u will never be happy in life. I look in the mirror and say 'it will be rough'. I look into ur eyes and I am already seeing signs. I search for my redemption, but my drive ain't  enough. They said my journey would b peaceful but they have tortured my ability to love. What am i? My tragedy is the falseness in my tide. Like the tears that I have cried? None of them have been falsified. My ocean is high as fuck. I try to be that real when I look at everyone and laugh. Then think maybe they're joke wasn’t enough. Even thou it was worth the laugh. My smile aint worth the sacrifice. My skull frozen by flames while my heart burns of ice. Especially for those who make it seem like, I have a cold heart. I hide my emotions behind smiles that are falsified. Confucius in my mind. I am sorry, I know you not fine. At least I felt just for a short period of time. Especially when the moment symbolizes whats yours and mine. Our spirits intertwined.  We don’t fall when our stars align. We swim deep coz we water signs. Saying stuff like 'all emotions aside'. So gimme rules for that I can abide. Make me supreme, so I can feel in need. It's been a while since one has seen my tears. Guess what I rose was the level of ur fears. U wipe my tears and calm me down with words. U abuse my nouns and verbs, u figure me through speech when u all over my head. U tell me not to get high coz I'll b sober again. U seem to care all over, coz of my pain. Things will never be the same. I thought I would say its coz of the hurt, but what hurts is that I know love is to blame. Now even cold blood runs my veins. This I didn’t deserve. My heart was once a strong organ over powered by the power of emotional nerves. According to the future I observe. I seize to exist in this world. Sometimes I find peace in dreams concerning death, coz I feel that’s wat I deserve. Theres no more love to give, nor is there  a heart to preserve. We in a love game and my soul feels like a reserve. So I go through moments of self distraction. Lost my behavioral pattern. And my ways of being a proper gentleman. Feel as though I lack discipline. I have patience to throw my whole virtue in. I feel like in life they all ain't listening. While demons keep torturing the safe box I keep my spirit in. My depth is something no one has nothing in. My words are always what I am feeling. At the moment love is what m thinking. They have changed my patterns of perception. I find peace in what leaves me emotionally bleeding. Hence now I am afraid of loving. I wanna say I know what u feeling. U the only name I keep breathing. After its been hatred the whole season. But hatred is like drinking poison. Then expecting another soul to perish because of ur doing. I write without understanding. My middle imaginary name has always been confusion. My thoughts forever confusing. Stuck in a world I am confused in. Thinking the truth would always b fused in. Now I find peace in dreams that involve my death in. Slowly moving back to my pool of depression. At least I will b feeling. My wrist I will b cutting. In suicide I will be believing. My words are only expression. My ropes will determine my actions. My love will forever stay tortured. My gullibility will rise on some effortless… Tip. I am slowly diving in deep. Giving in to life's unhealthy heap. I will b back, but first I wanted to meet the cousin of sleep…

TheY jUst Wont LeAvE...

Forgive me. At a young age my soul had to fight in the war of spirituality. I have been broken, torn, underestimated and shattered was my dignity. I've  been tortured, stepped on and perished was my integrity. They have laid torment upon my ability to bring peace. They took my dreams, formed part of my anatomy, left nothing but pain in me, but at least I could still feel. They have made me write dark poetry, but in light, I remain to believe. They sold me dreams. Promised me the world and said the would be my family. They made my head a place to live. Even told me they cannot move coz of the mansion they had  built. Used my heart as a means to survive. Took my blood to drink. My thoughts to feast and my organs to feed. My own words used against me. Now its hard to even write a story. For my soul had been tortured and left with nothing but envy. Who are they? Well they made me believe what they made me believe. They replaced my love for humanity with greed. My heart trapped behind the walls of tragedy. For everything that they promised left me feeling like I am in need. So internally I would constantly bleed. Feeling like I wont see my next generation. My name will be just another number in this world we live in. My imagination keeping me deep in the ocean, I am drowning. My passive aggression is fatal to the nation. I keep telling them... To leave. I want to breathe. I want to be part of this world and believe. I want to dwell in Gods kingdom and that's the only way for me to succeed (spiritually and physically I know God got me). I want to stop the pain but first I will have to bleed. Them... Out of me. They... Are the voices in my head and they expand each time they succeed and making me feel negative. They expand... And its inevitably imperative. They expand, but my positivity fights back on a daily basis. They expand, but no matter how big they get, I am in charge of me. They might expand, but my God, will forever protect me...

My Demons

Hidden Dreams made Public

Seemingly irritated. But at least today my emotions can be well debated. Although I am getting sick of it. Now I feel like getting faded. Coz yday I boxed until I bled. But it still didn’t work on my favour. I actually  kneeled for a prayer. But u see I want this to leave now bfor  I become a killer. Lets just say I am tired of being a real niggar. Time to go back and be realler. They may not blv that I am too good for a niggar. But I am, everybody has a choice now am gonna go where m comfortable niggar. Where all the voices in my head speak up. All at once. Then I go crazy instead of actin tough. I know my demons rough. They love music and Poetic art. But I guess that’s never enough. Like hey am gonna write about myself. Ama write for my demons and stuff. An Angel once looked at me and I couldn’t keep her by my side. Maybe coz I prefer one with darkness inside. I mean what does it all symbolize? Horus was Jesus before Christ. All had the same story, even the three stars. The three Kings from the East. Its all astronomy and the universe is where they feast. The law of attraction says follow your demons. Ur demons can be Angels. Turning that demon into a good one u can believe in. Been too good now I am back to being human. I believe in God yet I ask myself what does God believe in. Meaning am gon Pray but those will never reach Heaven. I know I been typing but my thoughts say don’t stop yet.  I have to take it all out, just like it was in my nightmare. My sick dreams tell me that I have to go back and be evil. Necessary evil. Like find someone to beat up badly for no reason. Like turn back and be the guy that hated everyone. I had to force myself to be like this or else I pushed away everyone. I’m loved by none. They all go when they r done. Stepping on a nikka while a nikka be down. I wasn’t gullible but I changed then got dumb. Like the voices in my head say Ruthless is your home. U don’t need no faith. U just need to persue ur dream. Create ur own destiny and take down whatever that comes. Whats the point of finding ur soul when it was sold a while ago. So just Pray to God with ur demons and see how that will go. They say try to be better but when the time is right, u will know. U will engage with no hesitation then all your demons will know. How fucked up is your soul. Even they will let go. Demented soul. What u tripping for? Back on the grill ama pray for my demon. The fear of being comfortable with ur sins is inevitable. Even Gangsters pray in paradise. Question is, where do they seek their advice? Whats their idea of God? God forgives, from now I won’t. Thats a godly feature,  I’m an image of myself. Please understand all these aren’t my words. Its all voices in my head. I am saying stop but they won’t. I say stop, they say don’t... Stop us... We great. We wanna define what u embrace. Good and Evil are on a race. We just want u to be both.

So I Had A Dream

Poetry making me fall deep

So I had a dream again. I had a dream in which all I felt was pain. My words taken in vain. For the meaning of my words hath not reached its aim. They were meaningless to others and so was my name. I had a dream. And it was the bitterest vision. Even thoughts within the dream were sweet. For they longed for the sweet that could happen. Yet only the worst happened as I expected. My words were not heard. My emotions undetected. My love not projected nor was it felt (by others). My sins made me bleed. For I have not repented.  I deserve it. But no one else does. You see I feed off helping others in order to feel good. Or shall I say 'present’. I have not known what they meant by patience.  I’m patient. But that virtue never made sense. Fuck life m sick of it. Fuck death I dream bout it. I sleep while that soul dances with the devil. I sleep while in my dreams, I'm one with all deadly rebels.  I sleep while my spirit loses its worth. I sleep while the devil tries to take my soul. So I had a dream. I have not been able to get the best.  So I had a dream.  Yet all the messages weren’t coherent. So I had a dream. And when I woke up I prayed. So I had a dream. And in it loving God was worth it. Yet. I kept losing it. I lost my soul. And m not planning on regaining it. For I had dream. And all I saw, was my death in it. I had a dream and I wished she was part of it. For if she were, everything would’ve been sweet. I woke up, and my first thought was you, it was sweet at least. Coz I still wouldn’t have prayed...

Survival

Denial and troublesome desires. I look at the sky and wish for the end of all demise.  The truth and lies.  stuck in the equilibrium line that lies above the sky. I got no limit. Life is a wonder and I wonder if love has a limit. The life lit. Suicidal thoughts on those who wish to fly I guess we all get sick of it. A higher inclination defines the reality of the hominid spirit. We r species. Wondering if there is love among the spirits. Toss me in the den of lions I may survive if u agree to be the reason behind my life. Now I live. I write. In spite... Of all changes in my anatomy and venomous bites. From snakes that surpass power of immortal drifts. The Lord said here is the light so now u may uplift. Those who fall and fail yet find it difficult to fall. The definition behind life and all. Fail to succeed remains the motor of all. Beings. Imagine life without souls, would there be love for spiritual things? Would there be any BlackBerry pings. Would there be love for animals and spiritual beings? Who aren’t living. Thanks to life coz we wouldn’t be breathing. I rise with the determination to fall above all rising destinations. Destroy all negative thoughts among blasphemous nations.  I love. The meaning behind the word patience. Without passion clashing there wouldn’t be endurance. What would we fight for. For there would be no drive for success or.... Pain would only knock at the nights door. Trust me I’ve seen it before. Once it knocked at the edge of my hearts core. Felt cold and heat only made it sore. Indeed I felt the need to revive as the only option I had was to fight the thrushes law. Would I be breathing if it wasn’t for deception in the nights bore. Yes I would be. If it wasn’t for the efforts of survival I wouldn’t be deemed free. For when the tree shakes someone has to sweep leaves.  Someone has to redeem peace. Someone has to say those three words 'I love You’ then the other person automatically becomes a need. That’s how it feels like when the soul is freed!...

Through Eternity My Love

I always thought it would be the end
But it seemed as if it were just the beginning
I always thought it would be my last
Yet it seemed as if it were my first
Love... That will last
Forever....
Till the world itself is dust
And all volcanic eruptions are ash
Thats infinite....

TIME...

I once knew a man. Classic indeed. He had a dream that would feed... His conscious. While his subconscious drowned in sense. The taste of sinful sacrifice. His vision otherwise. As his advice came from others who were wise. He didn’t listen to any of them for at the end he were to make his own decisions. And it all ended with one conclusion. That developed from a wise illusion. Spiritually proceeding with intellectual delusions. Whatever he dreamt of. Were  thoughts of. Himself. With his hearts depth. He said to himself. It seems everything is the beginning of an everlasting thrush. De mires to whatever lacking trust. As always, I just write. It’s the inspiration for communication and motivation that we lacking. Time passes through. Imagine all the things that we were supposed to do. The memories that remain in ones mind like morning dew. I mean love is cool. But sometimes it’s cruel. It steals all my time just so I could think of u. My heart a mirror that reflects symbolism and they had stumbled through. Cried about the limited power they had overdue. It’s been a while since I have been told what to do. My heart is stainless and it steel yet the rust easily crumbles through. I have found something bigger in u. All this came from the man’s heart as he reminisced the time he had spent with u. The thoughts perishable. The truths global. But what will happen to the mind that is disabled. Disabled to enabled the cerebrum that stores memories of u. U have stuck unto his thoughts like glue. Entered his system and defeated his antigens. Every cell developed a brain. And wrote a msg that states guess who would die for u. Yet every moment went from red to blue. I wanna push through. But the last words:"GIVE ME A REASON TO."

Trapped

From the moment I first saw u. I was trapped.

Trapped in a land I named the real world coz that’s where happiness had a chance of being true. For a moment my world  mapped with no vocab as I was Trapped in a universe where the only verses recited were about u. The only joy was in ur eyes when I looked at u. Hearts, dandelions, beautiful tales in my head described u. Well at least that was my first perception of u. I was trapped in thoughts that only visualized u. I could never stop thinking of u. U shifted my view. On life, coz it seemed my only life that existed insisted that I remain next to u. Took me from reality and trapped me in a light so bright even darkness couldn’t resist. Converted my dark thoughts into hymns sang by the most talented birds.  Used my heart as the beat when I had no words. My whole point of view on life was reversed. As the sounds transmitted by ur anatomy became beautiful instruments. Even when u spoke ur voice had reached a certain tone I called difference. For every word u said sounded like a beautiful piece that was constantly rehearsed. Let me rephrase by saying your voice is beautiful instead. Your tenderness needs not be refreshed. For your brittleness is hardened by ur sweet intelligence. I have never seen perfection, but for a moment I looked into ur eyes and it all seemed perfect. The road to your soul is similar to that of an infant. Unborn, without vision and with no ears to listen to the earth’s dirt. U have no idea about what everyone says and what happens in the world. Its not ur intended blindness but its because of how I pictured u first. For the one that knows nothing is pure at first.

Welcome To My World

....Darkness isn't me

Welcome to my world dear. Just that I see no darkness but I am it. I crave blood and spit it. I am a narcissistic cynic. Cynical in my movement. The light was too bright for me that’s why I chose darkness. Only God is my light. But I dwell in darkness. My spirit roams in my dreams. I see the worst yes. Something that keeps me coherent in my movement is the fact that my music is my demon. The rapping in me and... Ghost is literally my other personality. Unlocks my inner ability and makes me think about the worst that could happen. Triz tries to balance them... Alson and Ghost but they are forever fighting. Ripping my body apart as my downfall rises. They r my darkness. What they do sometimes is takeover. No chaos but order. They be working together. They are my music killing all measures. See I have a side that I wouldnt reveal... never... But at the  end God protects my spirit

Words

  

Words come and go. Words take their own time to flow. It’s like they have to be digested but it’s funny coz they don’t have to be ingested. Instead. Their nature is unstable to the point where they have to be perfected. It’s like they roll around the whole hominid anatomy before they are said. It’s like the 'I’ comes from one point before the rest follows. The next thing Ed Sheeran releases a song about how they take thrones. In our brains. We think. When that smile in our subconscious appears we blink. Then before she leaves we hate the moments of goodbyes yet we still wink. The next thing we know. We dream then the spirit glows. It’s like u already know what u will dream about before u sleep. Then when u dream it gets deep. I mean the depths have their levels that’s why some of us fall deep. She asked what we gon do about it. At the same moment I think of the time we kissed. It was a few hours ago. She made my spine rush and took the words out my lips by kissing me though. A day that began with maskandi. Got me bored to the earth’s core but turned all the way around when I met Nandi. Then I enjoyed it. Made my smile grow wider. Filled my night with thoughts of 'wonder’. As I put it on paper. 'A day well spent’. My third eye yelling I’m a writer. That smile lasts a while, in fact it won’t be perishing anytime soon. So its better I see her soon and not later. When we both woke up we were total strangers. Yet when I open my eyes 2mo she’ll be the first thought as my subconscious shall engage her. Such manner... I guess not. For my thoughts shall be her words which I caught...

A Heart

I walked into my house around six. Walked into my room and suddenly I was possessed. By the power of innocence.  switched off my light coz I felt I could write better in darkness. Indeed I have seen the light yes. I had seen her before. Although my third eye took its own time to capture what’s in store. In my mind I asked what’s the glory for. She looked into my eyes and said drown into the sensitivity of my core. I said let’s take a longer walk. She replied what for. I asked whether Angels sing in her heart or... I picture a day without your departure. A day that would show u better.  Instead of pulling strings of getting your pussy wetter. Getting the bed on the tip of rainy weather. Ice is heaven. As long as u stay believing  And no one’s heart is bleeding.  I would rather stand in front of you. I said: "It would be a blessing if u knew what I am trying to figure apart from your figure. She replied: "what?" I said the rhythm of your heart. At least that’s where it all starts. Yes I will be honest, as it’s the reason I stay intact without the imagination of ripping apart. Apart from that I wouldn’t play a part in breaking your heart. In case u thought....

Heavenly Idea

To the world

They said I wouldn’t see the pleasure legions. The leaders of giving. Mind setters and cleaners of deception. Instead I was told the greatest of gifts fell from Heaven.  All the intellectual capacity is indeed God given. They only said my dreams fell from darkness and my fire was an analogy lived by demons. At least it’s just an allegory formed by reality algorithms. I was taught math. I needed to control the clashes that are a flash of my deeper past. Education was made a way of contradicting the laws of wisdom and a guideline to the ways of gaining hard cash. How far are we going to last? So after chasing the roots of all evil will we still be hell outcasts? Heaven opening doors and messages showing the truth about the soul that lives. Breathes. Every night before the dreams leave. God help me as I pray and help close the stomata pores of my dehydrating leaf. All they have done is try to take my soul away. Watch my happiness drift to the sway. Pretend to kill my sorrows and take my bad breath away. With similar intentions. Simultaneously misleading my belief through hypnotic divisions. Similar mind-sets only lead to my spirit breaking. All I am capable of now is written messages claimed to be poetic. Yet no one listens. So how is this supposed to be justice. If I went further I would defy the laws of earth. Take it by its breadth. Break down all the evil paths. For the future generations to depend on worshipping in order to evacuate the ways of fake repentance. Murderous defence, and the virtue to eradicate impatient patience. For their ways only come with limitless endurance. More are born as time goes on. It ascends and so on. In order for survival to glow on.... Every spirit. Every life lived. Yet from the start all we had to do is evade war and thank God that we still breathe..

I remember You...

I remember sitting at the balcony
Something came over me... I was trapped in the vision of you
Looking at stars as my sky turned blue
Trapped in the melody of your blues
Trapped in light that shined upon you
I remember my sky moving from red green to hue
I remember you

I remember my memory of you
I remember looking into your eyes and saying I Love You
I remember my head spinning as I screamed for you
 I remember you...

TRANQUILLITY

Truth. Passion of dispute. Displayed by an immortal being.  Supreme! The life I lived was that of immortality. Danger became a usual thing to me. Fight or flight became a necessity. I made a choice, yet it all ended up within the circle of tranquility.  Didn’t run nor fight as death showed no fear to me. Their guns dear to me. Their intentions clear to me. Yet no difference was made. I knew after a while their adrenaline would degrade at the same rate their spirit would fade. Through sorrow the spirit is broken according to the words of proverbs. To further my unlimited thoughts. I say better is a dinner of herbs where love is. Since he that is of a merry heart hath a continual feast. In their case I was the one to feast. I grew cold without noticing the pain behind ignorance and purely manifested greed. My soul grows in need. Yet when I spoke their swords rose and guns pointed due to the tranquility in me. They said “ur world ends now, ur words perish now, the history u have made is of no use. Ur words are to be a memory never to be used.”I replied “I’m glad just do it fast so I can feast with my fellow brothers, see my guardians and shine in the sight of God!” Their weapons dropped. Their mission aborted and their vision cursed. How dare they attempt to take a life to quench their thirst. They have awaken the beast. Made their own little beasts with two backs now everyone is a feast. Slavery came back to life. Enough time to repent yet the bible only supported them according to their life. I was taken down to the pier. Here, I looked at men and showed no fear. For my only fear is for God and no peer. Unfortunate fortune has made me the only slave. Martial laws to the country. Draco became the law of liberty. I and another soul saw slavery. They said guns and swords won’t bring peace to me. They wish was to skin me. Yet that was gonna show people how beastly. They are! They decided to kill me slowly. Thus far! They said “ur body needs not a proper burial for u have showed us how monstrous people are.” I said “I only showed u how monstrous u r.”They said “at this point their guns will become of no use nor their swords. Instead metal will deduce the the diameter to ur souls circumference.” I was tired in chains. Dropped and tired on a window pane. It’s my soul they started to drain yet my spirituality remained the same. Then dropped into the ocean to drown and be filled with nothing but pain.... Now that M here. My dreams aren’t the same. I used to dream of better and perhaps fame. I hit the bottom of the ocean. Only then I choked to life and woke up... With mindless pain. Even in my dream. It comes down to my soul and spirit searching for tranquility...